Friday, June 22, 2007

I've had so much stuff on my mind recently, but I haven't had the time to actually sit here and type what I feel. Blame it on writer's block, or the fact that I'm finally sick of being in front of the computer screen, but in the end, the blame goes right back onto me.

My friends in Countermind came here recently and stayed, and I honestly had a lot of fun. It was the first time meeting Pat and Ryan, but they were both really cool guys. Then, of course, you have people like Matt, Ricky, and Nate, who I've known for a long time, and Shannon, who has been like a brother to me since 9th grade. It was great to finally have a group of people that I could sit and talk to and relate to; I don't feel like I've had that since moving. We had a conversation about how "hardcore" music's record labels are starting to sell better than punk labels, and we had Mario Kart races on our DS. Small things like that really make me miss being home. I miss being surrounded by people, I guess.

The only people I really hang out with from my original group of friends here are Caity, Trish, Liz, and Austin. Caity's going to Tallahassee, Liz is moving to Ohio, and Austin might be moving to California. Even if he doesn't, it's not like I see him a lot, anyway. Trish is staying here, but she has a boyfriend, and even though I love Nate, I hate playing third wheel. Everyone else in that group has either moved away, distanced themselves, or gotten into drugs. It's funny to look at people that I considered to be my best friends and see how they screwed up their lives. Ever get the feeling that people really don't want to be helped, afterall?

School isn't something that interests me anymore. I was so excited to get out of high school and start my path to greatness, but now I'm just feeling more and more worthless to myself and my family. I'm going to be someone someday, I promise. I don't think it's in me to just sit around and let life pass me by. Though it may seem like I'm doing this now, everyday I think about ways to get my name out there or try to make connections, which is why I talk to people at work, or why I e-mail bands or professional wrestlers, blah blah blah. I'm not afraid to talk to someone, no matter how I lead on.

Speaking of professional wrestling, WWE is stupid. Hey, let's pretend that we killed Vince McMahon, and make a mockary of it on television! We can make millions! People wonder why I talk so much crap about WWE; now you know.

I need to get a new job so I can get money. I really want a new tattoo, so either I need money or I need to become friends with a tattoo artist. I'll take either at this point.

I am tired of feeling worthless.


1 comment:

brittany said...

This makes me sad. :[
I don't think you're worthless.
I'm sorry your friends suck.