Friday, July 31, 2009

Sometimes you just gotta kill 'em with kindness.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"But, you'll probably hate her now. You know, she's just a name. But, with smoke in her hair, I could still smell how sweet she would be to kiss. And we talked about nothing until she had to go. Where second chances and small talk could have kept me up all night. 'Cause it gets only close enough so you'll know you'll never have her heart. Just sometimes words and long waits inbetween, when she tries hard to be mean. You'll never have her heart...this time."

Lifetime: "Francie Nolan"

Sometimes, I rediscover bands and albums. Sometimes, I rediscover bands with logos I have permanently inked into my skin. Lifetime is that band.

I encourage everyone to go out and buy their album "Jersey's Best Dancers," or at least read the lyrics. Without them, there would be no Fall Out Boy. No Taking Back Sunday. No Saves the Day. There probably wouldn't be the same kid typing this very entry.

Ari Katz had a way with words. He didn't try to sugarcoat how he felt. He made it known that he was going through something, and did it in a way that made his fans relate.

My freshman year of college, I used to play their album, "Hello Bastards," on their way to class. Fast, gritty punk rock with a melodic twist and clever lyrics.

Next time you see the tattoo on my forearm, ask me about the inspiration behind it. Lifetime shaped me to be who I am today. It's funny to say that because they are just a band...and, besides a quick little reunion, they broke up before I even hit puberty.

But, while friends, relationships, and hobbies have come and gone, music has always been there for me. My headphones have shared more with me than anything else, and I like it that way.


Saturday, July 25, 2009

There are so many things I wish I could say to people, but I know I never will.

So, much like a Hallmark card, pick one of these statements, and think I'm actually saying it to you.

- I think you're missing an opportunity that you might regret.
- Your boyfriend weirds me out.
- I wish you wouldn't drink so much.
- Don't lose what you have right now. This is the best thing to ever happen to you.
- I think your weight is unhealthy.
- I wish we still talked. I miss those late nights.
- You complain too much.
- Stop running away. What you're leaving is worth the butterflies.
- Make music with me.
- I miss you more than you know.
- I apologize for never being around. I will come visit someday.
- If you're unhappy, why are you not making changes?
- Those weekends were fun. Thank you.
- Thank you for always letting me crash at your house. That's always the best part.
- I know we hadn't talked since voting, but your death really, really shook me up. I hope you're okay, and I wish I was able to talk to you again.
- You should have given me a chance.
- You need medication.
- Stop trying to fit in. You look stupid.
- I treasure the time we spent together, but I don't think I could ever do it again.
- You have too much talent to be so unmotivated.
- I wish you hadn't fallen apart.
- I'm gonna be somebody someday. Just believe in me.

Take your pick.


The video has nothing to do with the song, but I love the song a lot. I need to be in a band again. I have too much to say, and not enough talent on my own to express it.


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Like I said in my previous post, at least I can say that I gave it my best shot.

Sometimes, I get too ahead of myself. When I really want something, I submerge myself in it fully. I forgot who I was dealing with this time around.

Here's to the future, here's to the past.

Let's see where I can go from here.


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

All it takes for me is one song to spark a memory in my brain. All it takes is one song, one scent, one glance at scenery. All it takes is one seemingly trivial thing to start a snowball effect, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and compelled to write at the end.

All it took was listening to "Graduation Day" by Head Automatica at work the other evening.

I got to thinking about where I was when I first got into that song (I remember standing at the car wash, telling Nate how the album had leaked online, and how excited I was), and how it came out the summer before my big senior year of high school.

From there, I went to think of senior class songs, and how typically cliche they always are. Being the South, the popular one is, of course, "Freebird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Then, of course, there's "Here's To The Night" by Eve 6, that one Vitamin C song, and others. Same shit, different year.

The Bartram Trail class of 2007 broke that mold. We had "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer.

At the time, I remember thinking how obviously stupid this was. I probably thought I was too cool for that, or that it should have been some hip, underground song that nobody had heard that should have been chosen. But, looking back, I think it described us as a whole: unique. Every single person I knew had a unique personality, whether I liked it or not. We were arrogant pricks. We were too smart for our own good. We were young. We were dumb. We were (not) ready for whatever the world had to throw at us.

Then, I thought about how I've had two years to reflect on that single year of my life. I know it doesn't seem like a long time, but a lot can happen in two years, and, in fact, it has. The Jake from two years ago is no longer the Jake sitting in front of this very laptop.

I've made a lot of mistakes in the past two years. I've lost people I shouldn't, and I've hurt people I never meant to. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces from an important relationship I've lost, and I regret the past every single day. You know who you are.

I've lost a majority of the friends I had, and it is my fault. I decided to travel every weekend and miss a lot back home. I spent so much time chasing my dream that I was too blind to see what I was leaving in the dust.

I've met a lot of great people in the past two years in wrestling, and have made a group of close friends that I wouldn't trade for anything. I've worked all over Florida, been published in magazines and on DVD covers, as well as websites. I've made hundreds of memories, and hope for many more.

But, I miss my old life. Somewhere along the line, I forgot how young I was. I decided to forget that I was 18 when I started in wrestling, and I've always acted older than I really was. I'm not even old enough to buy alcohol.

For as much as I love wrestling, and I love my friends involved in it, not working a show until August 22nd is a godsend for me. I'm trying to reconnect with people here, as well as trying my ass off to rekindle something that I want. If it doesn't happen, then at least it can end knowing that I gave it my best shot.

I know this got jumbled along the way, but this is how my mind works. What started with a song ended with me sharing my regrets with life.

No wonder why I think I'm losing my mind.


Friday, July 17, 2009

"You keep the ring, I'll keep the Saturdays in bed."

This song just keeps popping up sporadically over the last two years.

This is my 100th post, and nothing has changed.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

I keep falling asleep on my side, and waking up on yours.
It's hard to sleep so soundly when you know that you're alone.
Dreaming just can't cut it when faced with reality,
Your pillow still has your scent, and now it's all that I can breathe.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

I have so much I want to say but not enough brain capacity to get it all out in an orderly fashion. I feel like a kinked hose, just waiting to let loose.

But, the fact is, I'm probably never going to say anything in here that is going to get me in trouble with anyone else. Besides, I'm too old for teen angst anyway, right?

When hoses are blocked for too long, do they pop?