Wednesday, May 27, 2009

"There's nothing really left to say. My soul is stuck on the interstate. When I finally get around to coming home, I have long forgotten the area code."
- Fake Problems
"Heart BPM"

For a while, I felt like that. When Florida was running a different show every weekend, I completely disconnected myself from everyone at home. I lost a lot of friends (while gained many close ones), and just didn't feel like my life was at home anymore. I missed everyone.

Things have calmed down, and I'm around more. That's a plus. I miss my friends that I only really get to see at wrestling events, but I will see them eventually. That's just how it goes.

Filling up notebooks again with writings. I love that. I haven't done it in years.

I don't really have anything to say that I want to talk about in here. Talk to me in person if you want to. I don't bite.


Saturday, May 23, 2009

"Nothing on the radio but songs that remind me of you.
But someday, lady, you'll accomp'ny me.
The queen of my highway heart.
My blacktop baby.
My streetlight star.
My dashboard dreamer.
And you don't even know."


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I'm trying to get Buster Poindexter height with my hair.

Today I told someone that music was my only girlfriend right now, and it's [sadly] true. We've had an on-again-off-again relationship for the past two years, but I think we worked out the kinks and here we go again.

I always mean to update this but I never end up doing it. I'm sorry.

Had a great time at the Fusion One Year Anniversary bash, and it made me step back and look at the past year for me. I've made truly great friends and lost many as well. I've traveled up and down the Sunshine State for the majority of the weekends, and have seen and experienced many things. I've had disappointments and accomplishments, and a whole lot of times that have been chalked up to life experiences. I just can't believe how some of the events that took place a year ago are still so fresh in my mind, like I lived it last week. Yet, some things that took place a month or two ago have completely escaped my memory. My mind is crazy.

This is a dumb entry. I will post something good some other time.


Friday, May 08, 2009

When I saw KRS-One in concert, he told a speech. To paraphrase, he basically said the hackneyed phrase, "Your present affects your future." I have heard it so many times in my life, I almost shrugged it off as nothing of importance.

But, the way he said it, he sounded like he meant it. He sounded like someone that knew what he was saying could go in one ear and out the other, so he stepped up the power and emotion in his voice. He sounded like someone that had been there and made unfavorable decisions, and was paying for it now. He wasn't just some person trying to boost their ego by thinking, "Gee, someday, _________ will look back and say that I gave them the best piece of advice they had ever received."

He sounded REAL.

I really took what he said to heart, but more so in the last month. I'm a difficult person to deal with: I'm stubborn, occasionally unmotivated, and, for lack of better terms, a downer. But I'm trying.

Who I am now will affect who I am next week. Or next month. Or next year. Or when I'm 30. Or 40. Or 50. Etc.

I don't want to look back and be bummed out by how I acted or approached certain subjects or people. I'm young enough to change my ways, and old enough to realize it.

To those that I have hurt or wronged in the past, I owe you my most sincere apology from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for sticking around (I'm luckier than I ever knew).

I know it is hard to change overnight, but this is me showing effort. This summer is my time to right (or write) my wrongs.

Stick around.


Thursday, May 07, 2009

A modern day Superman am I, with a pen and some paper to fight. Words are my kryptonite, despite their ubiquity. But in my Clark Kent get up, you could never tell. It isn't a multiple personality if my Mr. Kent doesn't have personality to begin with. I can't save the world either, so don't even ask. The world can't be saved if it isn't willing to save itself. I don't have any special powers to speak of, but I'm not bad at blending in. Or lending out (cash, hearts, pain, you name it).

This Lois Lane lady needs to lend me some time. Maybe she doesn't want this Superman. Maybe she wants the vanilla Clark Kent. But how can one drop the act when the act is more impressive than the one you're hiding? Some wear masks to cover scars. Some drive big cars to hide their shortcomings. I wear these tights and cape to hide myself as a whole.

Look up to me, kids. I'm that superhero that you wish you could be...

but everyone has a breaking point.