I am still chasing my dreams, and at this point, I will be fine without fully catching them.

This is a big family, and I'd like to believe we are all in this together. Of course, though, we aren't, but always being cynical is bad for my aura.

I am laying in bed at the Jaison Moore compound with JD snoring like a bear across the room.I have been up for almost a full day.

I am sorry if I have been distant; I was starting to lose track of who I am. But here I am, baby. Take it or leave it.

I hope you take it.





xxx.

Rest in peace, Tim Russert. I always enjoyed your work, and thought you had a great sense of humor. You will be sorely missed.

Rest in peace, Camu Tao. Seeing you live changed my life completely. It opened me up to an entire new world of hip-hop. Though I saw you well over two years ago, that show was one of the best shows I have ever been to in my entire life.

Thanks, Camu. I'm at a loss for words. Represent WM up there, man.

xxx.

The thing is, I never thought he was a nugget. Nine years ago today, and I still don't.

I miss you, Owen Hart.





I need to start updating this again.

xxx.

Here's a secret: There are few things in this world that make me happier and more nostalgic than listening to Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band.

I'm not sure if anyone knows that. You are now the "Kitty" to my Anne Frank.

Did he just make an Anne Frank reference?

Yes. Yes he did.




xxx.

If Wrestlemania 24 really was Ric Flair's last match, I kind of wanted to share a story about him.

On April 17, 1999, I had just turned ten, and my dad took me to a wrestling match in, I believe, Ft. Pierce, FL. It was a WCW house show, and it had been a while since I had been to a match. This was kind of the way that my dad and I used to bond. Every so often, we'd go to a match. We went to quite a few WWF Raws, WCW Nitros, or just house shows.

But, on this particular night, my dad told his friend that it was my birthday, and his friend just so happened to be in WCW security. He hooked me up with a "ring boy" position, meaning I got to take the robes and whatnot back to the dressing room for the wrestlers. I was just a little mark, but I loved it.

Backstage, I met Chris Benoit and Rick Steiner, among others, and received a ton of merchandise. My favorite possession from the night was my Four Horsemen t-shirt, that sadly got lost somewhere from moving from Jupiter to Chesapeake Beach.

The thing that impacted me most that night was Ric Flair's match. No, I don't remember who was in it, and no, I don't remember who won. But, before the match, when Ric Flair took off his robe, he was supposed to give it to an actual crew member. But, he saw my Horsemen shirt, and gave it to me instead.

Like a flag, I was told to not let it touch the ground. That wasn't a problem, considering I felt like I was ten feet tall. Ric Flair personally handed it to me, instead of someone he knew. Was I dreaming?

I will never forget that, and I hope that if I stay in this business, I will get to meet him and thank him in person for that, and for everything he has even done for the sport.

When you look in my room and see one wrestling poster, and it's of Ric Flair, now you know why. I respect him more than I respect most people.

Thank you, Ric Flair. Clap clap clapclapclap.

xxx.

It's now Monday, thus ending the busiest week of my life. But, working for Ring of Honor has been a dream of mine since its conception, and working in the wrestling business is a dream that I have had for as long as I can remember. I'm doing both, and I can honestly say that I am proud of myself for moving forward with my life.

I saw some close friends on Saturday, and some friends that I hadn't need since elementary and middle school. Reliving memories from being younger, including being told that someone remembered how I was always tired on Tuesdays in 4th grade because I stayed up watching wrestling, really made me feel good.

I am really trying to achieve my life goal, one day at a time. I am putting my name out there, and making friends. I am grateful for every single person that I have met so far, and I have learned a lot in the six months that I have been working for a wrestling company. I never thought that I'd meet any of the guys that I have met so far, especially not the Japanese workers, or people like Larry Zbyszko.

I have to say that I thank Sal Hamaoui and Gabe Sapolsky for giving me a chance, and now I'm trying to run with it.

xxx.

Tomorrow (or today, I guess) starts quite possibly the busiest week of my life. Three (?) tests, starting the full-time job at Bank of America, and ROH's Orlando double-shot debut. I'd say, "Thank God for Spring Break!" but I won't even be able to enjoy it next weekend, because I'll still be working 2-11pm. I guess this is growing up.

I had a great weekend, filled with Full Impact Pro shenanigans on Saturday, with tons of driving included. On the way home, I listened to a radio show with a man that said he knew who the Zodiac killer was. I laughed. He sounded crazy. On Friday, I had a great lunch with Caity, Liz, Steph, Trish, Nate, and Ian, at Crazy Sushi. It was, in fact, crazy. Then, my Aunt Peggy and my second cousin Dan and his daughter came into town for the night, and we all went to the Outback Crab Shack. I miss Maryland crabs.

Today, I went to church in the morning after getting home at an ungodly hour, came home, edited pictures, said "Sayonara" to those lovely twins, edited pictures some more, ate Easter dinner, edited more pictures, finished editing pictures, said "Smell you later!" to a big headed sweetheart, and took a nap with a cat. All in a day's work, my friend.

Now, I am going to bed, not looking forward to the next week or two. I can handle it, I hope. I just don't want to drown in the stress of it all.

Adulthood, here I come!




xxx.

Me neither, Pig. Me neither.

xxx.

I'm glad to see you

I had a funny dream

And you were wearing funny shoes

You were going to a dance

You were dressed like a punk but you are too young to remember

I'm glad to see you

I'm outside the house

I'm not thinking right today

I've got no energy

I'm glad that you are waiting with me

Tell me all about your day

Breaking off is misery

I see a wilderness for you and me

Punctuated by philosophy

I'm wondering how things could've been

I'm happy for you

You've made it hard for me

I counted on your company

You are staying with your friends tonight

I'm feeling sorry for myself

I keep taking everything to be a sign

I'm happy for you

But now I know this hurt is poison

Too sharp to be bled

I'm sitting on my empty bed

I'm on my empty bed

At night the fever grows, it's pounding, pounding

I'd rather be in Tokyo

I'd rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh

And watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku

There's something wrong with me,

I'm a cuckoo

Scary moment, lovin' every moment

I was high from playing shows

We lost a singer to her clothes

My trouble raised its ugly head

I was revealed

And I was home in bed

I was a kid again

Jesus told me, go after every coin like it was the last in the world

And protect the wayward child

But I'm a little lost sheep

I need my Bo Peep

You know I need My Shepherd here tonight

Breaking off is misery

I see a wilderness for you and me

Punctuated by philosophy

I'm wondering how things could've been

I'd like to see you

But really I should stay away

And let you settle down

I've got no claims to your crown

I was the boss of you

And I loved you

You know I loved you

It's all over now

And I was there for you

When you were lonely

I was there when you were bad

I was there when you were sad

Now it's my time of need

I'm thinking, "Do I have to plead to get you by my side?"

I'd rather be in Tokyo

I'd rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh

And watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku

There's something wrong with me,

I'm a cuckoo.

Belle & Sebastian: "I'm A Cuckoo"

This world isn't as big as you wish it was. When you find out that what you need is right under your nose, I won't be there anymore. It's silly of me to even be there now, but I have never been one to "do the right thing." Sometimes, all time does it make it hurt longer. You've stolen my sanity, and I want it back. More than anything, I selfishly wish that I could move away from Jacksonville and pretend the last four years have just been a dream. But, because that's absurd and foolish, I sit around and wait for my cue to screw up again.

This is my life. I want it back.

xxx.

I think it's because you're not just a friend. But do you got what I need?







xxx

Love? Yeah. I guess it's kind of like that. Long gone are the days of love being "like a piledriver." Love is a Burning Hammer.

"...but isn't it ironic that you still have ideals and I still have nothing?"

Today I watched a lot of 30 Rock with Emily.

Today I watched It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

Today I watched the rain fall outside.

Today I watched the street lights as I drove down the road.

Today I watched the inside of my eyelids as I tried to sleep.

Today I watched my professor lecture on something that I don't even remember.

Today I watched Ring of Honor results come in.

Today I watched me type things I shouldn't have typed.

Today I watched messages to me I didn't want to read.

Today I watched myself be pathetic.

Today, I watched.

xxx.

I won't lie. It's kind of what my heart did when you said what you said. I know that you are one of the few people that actually reads this, and I hope you know how much it sucks. Not for you, of course. What can I say? I should have expected some sort of payback.

So here I sit, listening to Billy Ray Cyrus. It takes me back to my nostalgic age of four. "It Won't Be The Last" came out in 1993. Let's see what else happened in 1993:


- January 11 : WWF's Monday Night RAW premieres on USA.
- January 23 : President Bill Clinton inaugurated as president
- January 27 : Andre the Giant passes away.
- January 31 : Buffalo Bills lose their third consecutive Super Bowl; Michael Jackson plays the half-time show.

- February 23 : Gary Coleman wins a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his parents.

- March 9 : Beavis & Butthead debuts on MTV.

- April 7 : I celebrated my fourth birthday.

- June 11 : Jurassic Park debuts in theaters.
- June 23 : Lorena Bobbitt cuts off the penis of John Wayne Bobbitt in Manassas, VA.

- July 19 : President Clinton announces his "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding homosexuals in the military.

- August 28 : Mighty Morpin' Power Rangers debuts on FOX.
- August 30 : The Late Show with David Letterman debuts.

- September 13 : Late Night With Conan O'Brien premieres on NBC.

- November 3 : The Nanny premieres on CBS.
- November 11 : Microsoft releases Windows 3.11.



Yeah, I imagine other stuff happened, but those are the ones that matter. Thank Jebus for Wikipedia.



This is me, moving on with my life. Let's see how that works.





xxx

Sometimes, I feel like I'm getting played like baseball.

xxx

At FIP over the weekend, Larry Zbyszko was there (because he "needed to get out of the house"). I at first didn't recognize him when he walked by me, but when I saw him go outside with a cigarette, I knew it was him. I went up to him a bit later and introduced myself, and we had a full blown conversation. I have always respected him for his work in the business, and to meet him and have him be such a cool guy, my respect for him rose even more. Larry Z. is the man.

Speaking of FIP, Saturday's show was awesome. It was the first one back in quite some time, and seeing everyone was a lot of fun. I love this opportunity I have gotten. The next show should be great as well, and the fact that Ring of Honor is running in Orlando the next weekend makes it even better. Wrestling is good.

I'm expecting a call from Best Buy soon, so I'll find out if I got the job or not. I really need the money.

I think I'm coming down with something. I hope I'm not, but I feel like crap. I think it's gonna be a Nyquil night for me.


xxx
Jake.

Look at you, Percy Bysshe Shelley. Looking all innocent. You aren't. You know you aren't. You're a good writer, but you're not innocent. And I hate writing papers about you. Yeah, I said it. I hate it. I wish I knew how to quit you.

On Mondays and Wednesdays, I have a two hour break between classes. So, usually, I do a bit of studying in the car, turn on my NPR, and take a nap. Today, however, they were talking about tuna fish. It wasn't interesting at all, but I was just so intrigued that I couldn't nap. I can't remember a thing that was said about tuna fish, but I can tell you one thing...I was tired in my history class.

Back to Shelley for me. This sucks.


xxx
Jake

It has rained for the majority of the day. I am a fan of the rain, yes. But, I am not a fan of tornado watches/warnings, as I do not own any red shoes that will take me back home in case I get sucked up. This is my rational thinking. Take it or leave it.

I managed to fight the torrential downpour and go to Wal-Mart to buy the new Legacy Of Steve Austin DVD. It's weird that I only mark out for him from his 'Stunning' days to his 'Ringmaster' days. After that, it's 'eh.' Nobody cares, Jake. Nobody cares.

I'm just counting down the days for FIP. I'm getting really antsy. This is the first show since November, and I'm happy that I'm going to be seeing everyone again.

Paco let me borrow his bass, and today I learned how to play 'Smooth Criminal.' Not bad for just playing the bass for a day, right? By next week, I should be tearing the house down. Literally. Bare hands. Bare bass.

Emily pointed out probably the best Personal Ad in this week's Folio Weekly. Here it is, verbatim:

Uncommon Grounds
Me: scruffy, hot Scrabble dork. You: probably not interested. Chatted about movies. Thought you had a nice butt, but sex is overrated (just said butt-butt). Only want you for Scrabble. We'll restrict "scoring" to the game.


Best. Personal Ad. Ever.



xxx
Jake.

I am waiting for this to come in the mail. I am going to have to problem whatsoever playing Japanese video games for my Valentine's Day this year. Who needs a valentine, anyway?

The thing about me is that I say a lot of things that I don't mean. I say things that will rile people up just to add some sort of excitement to my day. Yes, it's a personality flaw, but I kind of like it like that.

I used to care what people thought of me. Now I don't even care what I think of people.

When I was younger, I used to claim a religion and be all about praising God or whoever. It was until recently that I realized that I don't want to praise and worship someone that we all fear so much. So, I kind of gave up on that whole thing. I believe in myself, and I like it that way. Who knows? Maybe things will change. But I enjoy where I am currently at in my life.

I parked next to a man at school today that locked himself out of his car. Instead of offering any assistance, I decided to play some Pokemon, eat my fruit salad, and listen to NPR. I didn't want there to be too many cooks in the kitchen, anyway. He ended up getting in because another guy came to his assistance. I call that 'fate.'

I don't know why I have such a vast knowledge on things that will get me nowhere in life. How many people in this world would actually want to argue about the greatest wrestling gimmick of all time, or if Randy Savage had sex with a 14 year old Stephanie McMahon (in my opinion, The American Males and yes, respectively). I need to hit the books.

Speaking of books, I do enjoy a good read every now and again. That's all I have to say about that.

I have class in the morning and I imagine that I will be suffering through an hour and fifteen minutes of my teacher fumbling her words and not knowing what's going on. So, Chris and I will laugh and make snide jokes to each other like usual. Ah, college. It's the life.

I'm good with sarcasm.

xxx

Jake.

I still have no idea where I'm going, and I honestly have no idea when I'm going to get there. Even when I arrive, I'm not sure if I will realize it. I'm trying to figure out what path to take and what path to block off, but all of them look the same in the long run. They all end in death. Cynical? Maybe, but try and prove me wrong. This isn't a movie. I'm not Superman. If anything, I'm just Jake. What else do you want me to be?

People try so hard to be something they aren't. Have I done it? Of course I have. I went through my 'finding myself' phase which included way too much Hot Topic clothing, but I made it out alive. For better or worse.

I have grown up a lot over the past year. I have realized a lot over the past couple of months. [side note: why does the new Dillinger Escape Plan sound like Nine Inch Nails? Get back to me on that.] Does finding yourself mean that you have to know what you want to do in life? If so, I'm afraid I'm never gonna find myself.

I am too fickle to find anything for that matter.

Sometimes I just type, regardless of whether it makes sense or not. I hate when people say "irregardless." It's not a word, people. For real.


Jake.